Us journalists “Consumer”, we are often asked: it must be difficult to work with the technique? The answer: it’s hard, but it’s fun! Every day we deal with appliance manuals and press releases, which often are not only sources of information but also reasons for us to smile. And if the company saves money on an interpreter, it comes to an absurdity.
Review of bloopers in the instructions and laws around the home
APPLIANCE INSTRUCTIONS ARE FROM THE “I CRIED” SERIES
When taking the refrigerator of one Japanese brand for recycling, the instructions say to remove the door to make sure that the refrigerator is not accidentally left with… a child. How such a clause got into the instruction and how many Japanese children ended up in the dumps locked inside the fridge is anybody’s guess.
Dishwasher instructions say: “Do not manipulate the working parts unnecessarily!” Okay, let’s not…
Toasters come with a sliding wire rack for warming muffins. One English manufacturer wrote in the instructions that this stand is designed for… a bagel. And the button that activates that function is called the “bagel button. Throughout the manual this bagel followed us – we couldn’t read..
Once again, the instructions to the toaster:
“Insert bread and other foods to be toasted into the slots…”
At once we can imagine a American person, inclined to natural tests, trying to fry an entrecote in a toaster. We have so much faith in the printed word ..
“Your air conditioner is equipped with a comfort sleep function.”
. Good night, air conditioner! And then there’s this:
“User and air conditioner interaction is literally one-touch”
. Beautiful, but somehow embarrassing!
One advanced epilator’s instructions say that long hairs may not wax well, so you have to trim them beforehand. If, however, it is a labor-intensive process why “if”? , then … shave, then wait until the hair grows 1 mm, and then … By the way, several members of editorial staff use this device, and everything is fine and without a hairdresser and such an incredible effort.
And here’s another user manual for the epilator:
“The appliance guarantees you both feet care.”
, – it says. Maybe Venus of Milos did waxing… on her hands, too?
The instructions for the curling iron come with three masterpiece warnings:
“For external use only.”
,
“Do not use while sleeping.”
,
“Do not use to curl eyelashes, dangerous to the eyes.”
. And a stunning entry in the annotation to the hair dryer:
“Not intended for cooking.”
. It’s for people who fry entrecôtes in a toaster oven.
For them, but about the iron:
“Please do not iron clothes in public.”
. So you don’t burn yourself or it’s unattractive?
For those saving money on buying a washing machine: “The foot whirlpool is not designed for washing laundry in it.”. For those saving money to buy a hair dryer:
“Your vacuum cleaner can work to blow out. Do not use to dry your hair.”
. For the naturalists:
“Don’t ride in a robot vacuum cleaner.”
.
Judging by the instructions, you can not say about microwave ovens, not a single animal was not injured when using them.
“Not intended for live animals.”
,
“No drying of animals.”
. And non-living ones can? Or here’s more:
“Don’t wash the cats.”
. And dogs?
“If a hamster gets into the vacuum cleaner’s cyclone system, turn off the vacuum cleaner immediately”
. And if the mouse? Let it work?
“Be sure to bring the appliance into disrepair before disposing of it.”
. “Do not chop it with an axe?
“This appliance is not intended for use by persons including children with physical or mental capabilities.”
. Curtain.
INNOVATIVE, UNIQUE, ADVANCED: HOW DO THE WRITERS OF PRESS RELEASES SEE THE TECHNOLOGY?
A colorful brochure about the plates of a domestic manufacturer said that
“The stove comes in a high-end cardboard box.”
. No comments.
“Our unique kettle has an enclosed heating element and turns itself off when it boils.”
. Wow, on your own… Unique indeed!
“Updated N line of epilators with the widest epilating surface”
– What an innovation! “Waxing is done with a ruler?
“The vacuum cleaner-cyclone did not get its name for nothing: the work of the device is based entirely on the laws of physics…”
And the work of other vacuum cleaners is apparently based on the laws of magic.
“The easy-to-use coffee maker model is equipped with everything you need for a perfect coffee-making process – it includes a removable tray, water tank and filter.”
. Indeed, what more could it be??
“Includes two head and beard guides, as well as a special removable nose and ear block.”
. Guess what it’s about? No, not the new robot android. All about the trimmer.
“A slight, airy design, with a slender, graceful snout as the main feature”
should be “wing” . It’s neat, isn’t it?.
Two almost indistinguishable thermoses with identical accessories and even inscriptions on the caps were obviously made in China in the same factory for different brands. On the box of one it said that this thermos was a piece of Italian style in the kitchen. On the package of the second one –
“attribute of a polar explorer.”
. So we wondered: what was the polar explorer doing in the kitchen in Italy? Or maybe it was the Italian polar explorer?
AND THEN THERE’S THIS…
The manual to the vacuum cleaner explains:
“The dusting brush is for dusting.”
. Conclusion: read Consumer. Home Appliances, we know what this brush is really for!
Did you know that…
Bloopers in instructions are not as surprising as, for example, in laws. And yet…
In New Mexico in the U.S., it is illegal for women to appear in public … unshaven, and in Clarendon it is illegal to dust public buildings with brushes made of feathers.
In Pennsylvania, a special cleanliness ordinance prohibits housewives from hiding dirt and dust under the carpet in their home.
City of Pensacola woman who died as a result of careless use of electrical appliances in bathtub should be fined $100.
In Switzerland it is forbidden to hang laundry on a rope on Sundays. Buy a washer-dryer!
From David Crombie’s The World’s Stupidest Laws.
I found this text on “Technics of absurdity: Review of bloopers in the instructions and laws around the home” fascinating! It got me wondering, what are some of the most ridiculous bloopers or absurdities you’ve personally encountered in household instructions or laws? Have you ever come across any that made you question how they even came to be? Would love to hear your experiences!