Man and Woman: The Secrets of Happiness Together

Man and woman – we are so different! We are not always easy together, and yet we do not imagine life without each other. How to build a long lasting relationship? Let’s look into it together with the founder of the project NewHappyLife doctor-sexologist, psychotherapist, family psychologist Eugene Kulgavchuk

Love gives meaning to life and inspires us to become better. It is a good launching pad for creating a family, but not a guarantee of a cloudless future. At some point you may think that you are disappointed, tired of each other or do not see the development of the relationship. The candy and bouquet period is followed by everyday life, which constantly tests your feelings to the limit. And then it’s easier to easily say, “We’re not right for each other,” and split up. Only with a high probability in a new relationship the situation will happen again. How to find a common language and learn to overcome crises?

What is the difference between feminine and masculine nature??

Of course, we are, first of all, intelligent people with a unique vector of development, character and soul. Still, there is no getting away from the biological and psychological differences that are built into us by nature.

Thinking. Women have a more developed right hemisphere, which is responsible for emotions and creativity, so they tend to abstract thinking and attention to detail, while men have a rational left hemisphere. When performing the same task, a man engages only one hemisphere, while a woman – two hemispheres at once. This is why it is difficult for the strongest members of the strong sex to analyze and show feelings in parallel, to do two things at once. So do not be surprised that your husband “hangs up” and does not hear you if you start asking something at the time when he is busy doing something else. Woman is the multi-armed god Shiva, who can combine several activities. Often, when making decisions, she balances between reasonable and emotional, ethical arguments. There are also gender differences in the functionality of brain areas that are responsible for hormone production and reproductive behavior.

Communication. Women tend to talk quickly and a lot, figuratively and hintingly, to focus on emotions and intonations, to love with their ears. For men, rational argumentation is important, they are less emotional, they are specific in conversation, they mostly get information through the visual channel. These differences often cause quarrels between spouses. Men bounce back quickly, women remember grievances for a long time.

Reproductive mission. Briefly the priorities of values can be expressed in two words: variety for a man, stability for a woman. For the fairer sex is important quality relationships and spiritual closeness. Her subconscious task is to find the one who can take care of the family’s security and well-being. In intimate relationships, men are more concerned with the technical side of the issue, while women are more concerned with psychological harmony.

Physiology. Many organs in the female body are smaller, the skeleton is lighter, and metabolism is slower. Doctors also proved that the male hormone testosterone in the stronger sex is more developed muscle mass. In the female body, the lighter visceral fat prevails. That’s why men are often taller and weigh more. For this reason, the woman often takes less space during sleep, rolls to the middle of the bed and ends up constantly waking up. This problem can be solved by the foam mattress, which consists of two independent halves, the joint between which is not felt thanks to a special cover.

Another physiological feature – snoring, which is several times more prone to men because of the active production of the hormone androgen. The accessible way to struggle with this annoying phenomenon is the replacement of an ordinary pillow with an anatomic one. Thanks to its shape and filling, it maintains the correct position of the upper torso. On a pillow made with IQ Sleep technology, for example, the head and neck are in a natural position, and muscles are completely relaxed.

How does the crisis manifest itself in the relationship

Unproductive marital interaction can take the form of rivalry, pseudo-collaboration and isolation. Rivalry is more common in the first years of life together, although the “rebellion on the ship” and the desire to assert themselves may arise much later. In the process of dividing responsibilities and building communications with relatives, the question of who is in charge comes to the fore? Spouses shift blame, can not and or do not want to hear each other and agree. The birth of a child or moving away from parents is usually an occasion for conflict.

Pseudo-collaboration. Outwardly, such relationships look quite healthy until they begin to be affected by something from the outside. The trigger can be career failures, a child’s illness, new hobbies that the other half does not accept, infidelity, sexual disorders. As a rule, hidden discontent is associated with different life priorities and expectations, including hobbies and income levels.

In isolation, emotional alienation occurs when each spouse lives his or her own life and does not support his or her other half. This situation usually occurs when there is excessive psychological pressure and even violence.

Family crises. Eugene Kulgavchuk believes that every family has its own life cycle, which consists of several developmental stages. “Conflicts arise at their intersection, when the established way of life changes and resources are reallocated,” he notes. Let’s look at the most common crises.

The first year of life together. This is one of the most difficult stages, when the couple is tested for compatibility, adjustment – a clash of values, scenarios, ideas about family life. If spouses initially have similar views and know how to negotiate in a win-win system, where there are no losers, they will further develop their relationship. If not, then the union may break up.

The birth of a child. Conflict is inevitable if the spouses are not ready for their new role as parents. A woman’s awareness comes during pregnancy, to the man much later. Often young fathers perceive the baby as a threat, take the position of a manipulative child, and begin to fight for attention.

Wife returning from maternity leave to work. Often husbands are not happy that the wife begins to give less time to household chores. If a woman finds no understanding and support from her husband, the fresh conflict is layered with past grievances, and often she herself initiates a divorce.

“Empty Nest.”. If except for children the couple do not bind anything, after they left to swim freely, there comes a crisis. If unfavorable, spouses try to build a new relationship from scratch instead of filling a time-tested union with depth and color.

Sexual disharmony. Arises against the background of psychological dissonance and consumer behavior patterns of both spouses or one of them. If criticism and insults are allowed in communication, sexual attraction fades. Often the cause of sexual frustration is the lack of rest and sleep due to the high pace of life, busy business. Even when we come home we drag our work to bed and literally sleep with our phone and laptop in our arms. No time and energy left to communicate with a partner.

Somnologists advise to sleep for at least eight hours, to turn off all gadgets an hour before bedtime, to exercise, and to take care of protection from light and noise at night, the comfort of your bed. In their opinion the minimal width of the bed for two people should be not less than 180 cm and the mattress and pillow should support the natural position of body and head. It is difficult to get a good night’s sleep if your partner is constantly turning over, and the mattress or couch, as if it is a washboard, squeaks. As a result, due to chronic lack of sleep, the stress level rises. The experts advise to sleep on modern anatomic mattresses and pillows. For example, foam springs of different stiffness Octaspring with zoning system get rid of the ripple effect, because they bend in all directions, adjusting to each movement. It increases the phase of deep sleep and sleep becomes more restful.

How to Build a Long-Term Relationship.

But now let’s move on to practical recommendations. Family psychologist Evgeny Kulgavchuk gives three universal tips on how to build a long-term relationship.

1. Of course, in the first place there must be “chemistry,” but just as important is a dry calculation. It’s not about mercenary interest, but a clear understanding of what kind of person – with what qualities, values, hobbies, etc. d. – You need. At the very beginning of acquaintance be interested in the way of life in the parental family. Yes, and do not look for a prince or princess – they only exist in the imagination, and the magic carriage in the morning could easily turn into a pumpkin.

2. Love is not about consumption, but about creation. Forget about the fact that you owe something to someone. The word “couple” comes from the word “harness”. If it is easy for one, it can be just as hard for the other. It is better to go to the goal in step! Just don’t forget to

Agree on her at the beginning of the road.

3. In a conflict is always both to blame. A trip to the sea, incantations of witches and dubious advice of relatives and friends will only delay the solution of the problem. Learn to negotiate, compromise and respect each other’s opinion.

How to get along with a woman? Tips for Men

1. Women are emotional, take it for granted and remain calm, understanding and generous no matter what. But, please, don’t turn into a girlfriend!

2. Tell your beloved more often how you feel, pay attention, support her. It is not enough for a woman just to know, it is important to hear. Show with words and emotions the joy of possession “you are the most beautiful one I have” , spoil her, give her gifts and surprises. Be sure she will appreciate it, and in return will be your most faithful companion and muse in the great things.

3. Don’t be guided only by appearance: a bright package without any content will quickly become boring. One-time relationships and family are completely different formats.

How to get along with a man? Advice for Women

1. Avoid the idea of re-educating and re-modeling. Do not transfer your maternal instinct to a man: the weak will then cease to respect, and the strong will leave. Praise your loved one more often and forget about criticism.

2. Sometimes give your spouse time to be alone. Know that if he is silent, he is silent. This does not mean that he does not love you, or has someone else.

3. Avoid total dissolution in the children and the everyday life. If you forget about your husband, do not be surprised that soon he will forget about you and find a woman on the side. Be easy-going, support him in his interests, try to be around him more often.

Eugene Kulgavchuk says: “Everyone deserves happiness, but it is important not to wait for it, and go to him, build their lives and relationships, to create, learn to love and understand.